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The Night Guy at The Apocalypse Profiles of a Rushing Midnight

by Hamell On Trial

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Slap 03:31
SLAP Well the alkies and the hookers, the drug addicts and more, The hackers thieves and pushers are all welcome at our door. But if you come in thinking you're going to play us for a sap, You'll be pushing up fucking daisies, the wrong end of a slap. (Chorus) You'll get a slap, you'll get a slap, don't want to hear your fucking crap, this is the one place your shit doesn't sell If you don't do right oh man you'll get the back of our hand we'll meet you at the gates of hell. He was abusive to his wife, the broken bones and the black eyes he was a cop and he would boast and he would brag. He shoved his way up to the bar so we tied him to our car and took him to I-80 for a drag. He was called the 'Foreclose King', they said he had a thing for evicting families from their nests. Although he safely left the bar, the brakes were severed in his car and at the bottom of Lake Michigan he rests. Don't need no Nazi fucks round here, the glowing Klan talk with his beer, his swastika tattoo proudly displayed. He was on his second gin and he was cut from cock to chin and the owner of the knife was never made. Oh the church patrons would tell of a priest they knew too well, he would anoint the alter boys of his liking. His bed in flames, he never woke, a lit cigarette, he didn't smoke, no we gave him the funeral of a Viking! He was a lawyer or CEO, Jesus I don't fucking know, a politician or some other arrogant prick. He didn't do anything overtly bad it was just that fucking smirk he had so Bobby caved in his head with a brick. (Chorus)
Toast 04:44
TOAST I drink tonight to Trudy, from Paris to Denmark, who never knew her sister and followed in the dark, who's breasts rose and fell like finance, like laughter, like song, who never had a conscience so never could be wrong. And I raise a toast to Jacob, his vices, his moods, in our youth we two scavanged, for love for time for food. Hitchhiked from seaport to desert, with a bird a fox a snake, I visit the cemetery this evening, and take refuge on their grave. (Chorus) I raise a glass as a tribute as a sign. I raise a glass cause you're always on my mind, I raise a glass to what's been left behind, raise a glass. Raise your bloody glass. Let's tip a few to Albert, with his fingers and his beard, he will always be a mystery and his children all cried weird. With his rats and his pianos, with his wife who never sang, with his owl and his leopard and his bell that never rang. I'm so drunk I'll confess of Nancy, olive skin and hair of night. It's been decades since I've seen her but others have the sight. Her hollowed mouth her vacant eyes, and still she speaks in tongues, her voyage is here in alleys, and her dreams now all far flung. Maryanne still drinks at the harbor, behind the bar as well, she sent her address with a simple note, perfumed, 'Don't tell'. She paints pictures of the sunset, there's a corpse she hides this eve, I remember when we were children, she'd whisper close, 'Don't leave'. I raise a glass up to the stars and question 'Are you here?' You probably burned out years ago sometimes you seem so near. The ghosts all sing to the wind they want to share, they want me to shed tears of want they want me now to care. (Chorus)
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT Well sometimes you see them and then you just know like maybe you met in some other life before, I'll see you in the next life, I try with all my might, you see them in this life, love at first sight. She was playing pinball, I was dealing blow, and I thought of Ronnie Spector when she spoke, she asked me for a cigarette I was high as a kite, when she stole my wallet it was love at first sight. And love, love at first sight, Cupid shot his Ouzi, Satan took a bite. I gave her a little wink to let her know I knew, that thing was empty was a ringer through and through, I took her out to get her high she thought I'd fight, she kicked me in the balls and ran, love at first sight. Well my love was like a magnet I couldn't let her get away, I got regrets, but not that day, she jumped into a cab, and I held her tight, she bit my ear off it was love at first sight. I wrapped a shirt around my head and carried her upstairs, threw her on the sofa she smashed a couple chairs, grabbed a metal poker and took out the light, 200 volts knocked her out love at first sight. And love love at first sight, Cupid shot his Ouzi, Satan took a bite. I said love, love at first sight, something in her eyes said she's itching for a fight. I went and got an icepack and sat beside the bed. You'll resist this, listen's what I said. We could team up in a Bonnie and Clyde fashion, she rolled her eyes, pissed her pants, my heart consumed with passion. Some men buy jewels, some men buy cars when you see your own true love stealing in the bars explain potential profits she'll see the light, she saw the drugs and guns it was love at first sight. So we formed a partnership to get what we could get. Over time she fell in love it's certainly a safe bet. Fell in love with the adrenaline the shoot outs the flights. She loves the way we hit and run, love at first sight. Love, love at first sight, Cupid shot his Ouzi, Satan took a bite. I said love, love at first sight, I got all tongue tied and my head didn't feel right. I said love, love at first sight, saw her at the bar there bathed in neon light. I said love, love at first sight Something in her eyes said she's itching for a fight I said love, love at first sight, Cupid shot his Ouzi, Satan took a bite.
ROLLIN' WITH ICARUS So it was me, Bobby, Loogie and Joe, sitting at the bar, Bobby says 'Go!'. As per usual I'm way too high, when I get this high as per usual I rarely ask why. I get in the car, too fucked to steer, get in the rear, crack a beer, Loogie drives Bobby navigator, hit the West side all accelerator. A convenience store, we park fast, Bobby's got a sawed off, puts on a mask, runs in the store, I pop a couple percs, ya hang with Bobby ya know how that shit works. Everybody's tweeking, luckily no shots, Bobby exits, luckily no cops, sirens on our tail, they start to fade, we shot out the cameras we could have got made. Bobby's got a bag, counting bills, I got the jitters, so I pop some more pills, Bobby's counting, says 3 grand, signals to the right with a gesture of his hand. Hit the turnpike heading east, 3 thousand clams heading for a feast, where we going is anybody's guess, I hear a strange voice it's the GPS. App on the phone says exit 33, Bobby screams, 'A not B!' Hit the curb, bounce and skid, in front of St. Augies the hospital for kids, we go round the back where we park, see the rear door hidden in the dark. He makes a call, the door turns light, Bobby was talking to that cat Manuel from last night. We exit the car, walk down the hall, the hospital smell, so high I fall. Invisible to nurses, it's like we're gone, we hit the elevator, I'm thinking what's going on? A little girl, hooked up to machines, Bobby's staring with a look I never seen. Puts the cash on the bed, pulls up a chair, I hear the name Clair as he's saying prayers. Gives Manny a hug, leaves the money on the bed, you know I caught that shit, I pop more meds. We're drifting now, quiet in the night, GPS says 2 tenths make a right. Now we're at a crack house, Woodbine and 4th, he's got the gun, heading for the door. We follow from the car, nothing but gloom, looking through the window, Bobby's in some room. Fires two shots, a man goes down, Bobby's all steel, 'that's for Clair you fucking clown'. I down more pills, back in the car, the GPS gets us back to the bar. No questions now, Bobby's moody when he's thinking, back at the Apocalypse, we get back to drinking. I go to the jukebox, play a Nick Cave tune, shit sounds real when you're high as the moon. Roll with Icarus man, getting close I guess.
AGGIE AND THE D.A. You're bleeding everywhere, throw a plug in there, try and find your panties Aggie, do something with your hair. The crotchless ones will do, got the heaven's view, got a mission here Aggie, counting on you. We fucked til 8am, and you want to go again, there's a line out the door, got to let them in. Hungover no doubt, jukebox way too loud, here at the Apocalypse we get the breakfast crowd. Hey Aggie! Hey Aggie! There's a wallet that you'll see, in the wallet is a key, in the pocket of the D. A. and the key is what I need. He breaks from the courthouse, at lunchtime he gets soused, spread your legs there Aggie and we'll watch him get aroused. Spread eagle won't you shock, he's harder than a rock, I put a roofie in his drink and you won't have to suck his cock. Now the chumps elastic, steal his keys and plastic, your seats all wet you're a tad enthusiastic. He's copping Z's, steal his wallet and his keys, she's got his limp dick and she's taking much selfies. Hey Aggie! Hey Aggie! Well my shift it ends at 4, and I'm stocked and out the door, key to a strongbox, Citibank, second floor. The guard is cracking wise, I can see it in his eyes, he's skeptical of intent but he fucks my sister on the side. The key is in the lock, and it comes as no great shock, graphic pictures of children as they suck a D.A.'s cock. Nauseated? I feel ya. Pictures? I steal ya. Documenting that D.A. and his shithead pedophilia. He's on a stool, in a pool of drool, pants around his ankles, and she's piercing his limp tool. The pictures now I spread, Aggie gets all red, we bring him to the basement and we shoot him in the head. Plays like a suicide hit, I clean up and split, when the gun goes off, Aggie's playing with her clit. Hey Aggie! Hey Aggie! We throw him in the car, front page of the Star, a convincing suicide and I'm back in the bar. Pictures in his lap, a suicide note confessed his crap, I stock for the morning me and Aggie take a nap. It's the end of the D.A. glad he's out of the way, Aggie's checking those selfies, across the bed she sprays. Hey Aggie! Hey Aggie!
Bar Fight 04:19
BAR FIGHT And the men all laugh and the women cheer and the bar will toast and it reeks of beer, through the haze of smoke with the music loud, someone missed the joke, pushed back the crowd. So you'd better move or you might get cut, Ol' Sal last week took a shiv to the gut, he got the meds and he smiles tonight, and sure enough we love our fights.. (Chorus) It's a bar fight, thank fucking God It's a bar fight, ain't so fucking odd It's a bar fight, you come to the right fucking place It's a bar fight you might take a shiv to your fucking face And who said what and what said who, he might end up dead and he never knew, we taste blood and it escalates, and the cowards dance is the one we hate. No turning back and we bolt the door, forge truth in booths and scream for more. The sports will play but the games ignored, and the pain of others is it's own reward. You can root for Bobby, you can bet on Jim, but if someone dies, we all win, and the cops don't come, they avoid the place, and Edith last night took a bottle to the face. Some say it was a blessing, improvement if you will, bleeding then, bleeding still, it's an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, and the one who doesn't die is the only truth. (Chorus) It's a bar fight thank fucking God It's a bar fight ain't so fucking odd It's a bar fight ain't no simple tumble It's a bar fight round here it's a psychological rumble Make a little room or you'll taste a chair, girls fight tonight in their underwear, they're taking odds as to what's been sung, he ain't gonna rat cause we cut out his tongue. Loose lips sink ships, idle talk won't stand, round here dumb chatter can hang a man. That's of no concern cause it's Saturday night, we don't know what for but there's gonna be a fight. And we pray for tears and we pay for show, and bones will break and blood will flow, shut the window there there's a drift of snow, and the cat just froze and we told you so. And someone pukes, another goes down, it's about to start and that calls for a round. Can't stand the screams, it's the only test, she gets so excited she pisses her dress. (Chorus) It's a bar fight thank fucking God It's a bar fight ain't so fucking odd It's a bar fight you come to the right place It's a bar fight you might take a shiv to the face He invents a drink to celebrate, two shots of gin, 3 shots of hate, she comes from the back where she's on her knees, with a CEO who's lost his keys. Crack on her mind, cum on her lips, she watches the fight and sways her hips, Frank's on the jukebox singing 'My Way', there's a priest with a boy and he tells him to pray. And the pitbull drools when the fools collapse, he's lapping blood and eating scraps, and the ambulance arrives and we clear a path, they ask for insurance and the whole bar laughs. We wave a flag, sing a patriotic song, tomorrow's Sunday, it all seems wrong, we meet at night the events relayed, and it sure beats working at the end of the day. Reports from the doc, the fighter passed, what can you say, none of us will last. We go to the funeral and drink til we fall, we put a note in the casket, it says, 'Last call!' (Chorus) It's a bar fight, to end the fucking boredom It's a bar fight, I think he fucking floored It's It's a bar fight, thank fucking Christ It's a bar fight, it's paradise Bar fight
KILL THEM ALL Some people are stupid as shit, some people are dumber than dirt, and their meanness just won't quit, and they live their lives to hurt. Kill them all, kill them all. From palaces of gold their smug laughs resonate, from mom's basement in the cold they type their spewing hate. And they mumble can barely spell, pen pushers steal their souls, at the rally hear them yell as the carny checks the polls. Kill them all, kill them all. No shame on the t.v., bloated egos consumed with lust, uniforms on a killing spree, no concern with what is just. It's useless to negotiate, they've proven no compromise, it's time to retaliate, it's useless to sympathize. Check the mirror are you brown? Buy a gun Lord knows you have that right, arm yourself, go to town, go swiftly to the night. See a flag a Nazi sign? Burning crosses torches lit, call you fag? Are you resigned? Cause this ain't no time to quit. And a monster now I'm called, no conscience no regret, you put my back against the wall and history won't forget. Kill them all, kill them all, watch them fall, kill them all
THE NIGHT GUY Don't even glance at that chair, you can't even sit there, that my friend is a prohibited stool. You must be new around here, drink your shot and your beer, I'll stock the cooler and get around to you. I've worked here 30 years, selling shots pouring beers, I served their daddies and I will serve their sons. Some come and some go, dealing meth, dealing blow, check i.d.'s and sometimes I check guns. Making pals, pimping gals, pass fail bail or jail, mostly regulars the neighborhood face, and on that stool to your right, without fail every night sat the quietest man that ever made this place. I see it all, I'm the Night Guy We knew his name was John Brown, maybe lived here in town, more than that the facts were few and far between. But on this you could be sure, he'd walk certain through that door everytime Katy waitressed or cleaned. Yeah Katy worked those shifts, where thank Christ she had that gift, calm a hothead with a look or song like tone. A man would be ready with his gun, she'd smile and say, 'now hon' he'd hang his head and peacefully go home. Yeah if Katy was on the floor, John Brown came through that door, you could set your watch, surely could depend. Rare interactions would occur, oh they barely spoke a word, like silent partners but so much more than friends. I detected that, I'm the Night Guy Well Katy had taken up with a cop, the relationship she tried to stop, he was brutal, certainly wasn't right. He would stalk her, ticket her car, harass her at the bar, you see him coming rest assured it gonna be a rough night. This Officer Tumble was a sadistic creep, the night patrol he did keep, on the take with his hands in several plays. Gangster clowns he'd shake them down, he'd traffic girls downtown but Katy was the prize that he most craved. He would intimidate and taunt his power he would flaunt figuring finally for peace we would show Katy the door and she'd have to go back to him it would be Officer Timble for the win but Timble didn't know what fate would have in store. I suspected, being the Night Guy Katy had a son in a wheelchair who, everybody at the bar loved and knew, 12 years old, crippled but he could get around. Timble had seen him many times, but he shut the bar down and issued fines, little boy underage and he wheeled the kid downtown. Had Katy' s kid in a holding cell, with John Brown that didn't sit well, Officer Timble took off at midnight to get a bite. He met a roadblock at the edge of town, odd on a still night a tree went down, he left his patrol car to check with a flashlight. Timble's body was never to be found, but rumor did get around it was 2 shots from a sniper in the trees. Turned out later, it was a fact, John Brown had done two tours of Iraq, and so began an unsuccessful manhunt with the deputies. So my friend you can't sit there, that is reserved it's John Brown's chair and if he ever comes back the drinks will all be free. Everything I said is the truth, Katy will get you a drink in your booth and if you need anything just ask for me. I'm the Night Guy.
Too High 02:52
TOO HIGH I was too high, and now I'm paying the price I aint gonna lie, man it was heavenly nice. I got away, this world was getting to me, bills I couldn't pay, I know I had to be free. Irrepressible loose a wasted saint in the rain, I stand accused, a year or two of feeling no pain. When I begin, oh you know I can't stop, it was the gin that said, 'Go fight that cop!' I was too high! I was too high. I was too high, I gave St. Peter a snort, I was heaven denied and so I forged my report. I kicked with the Lord, I blew Gabriel's horn, I grew wings and soared, like Jesus I was reborn. I transcended vision, through a feather down tunnel, crafted with precision, my own gold plated funnel. My throat like a drain, oh my tongue like a shank it was the champagne that said, 'Go rob that bank' I was too high, I was too high. Like Dante was cursed I descended to hell. Was it different than earth? Man I was too high to tell. Basing coke in the flames, heard the agony of souls, I felt my dreams turned from diamonds to coal. Lucifer and I oh we laughed til we burned, I wanted to die, I guess it's all lessons learned, all I ingested, I guess you can't drown your grief, and then the vodka said, 'Take out the commander and chief!' I was too high, I was too high!
THAT'LL BE THE BLOODY DAY When Bobby shoots his mouth off he's gonna need a lesson, he ratted to the coppers when high is what I'm guessing. He squealed til he was off the hook now Idee is in jail so Bobby gets his own tonight, and this we will not fail. (Chorus) That'll be the bloody day, that'll be the bloody day, you're fucking crazy if you fucking think we'll look the other way. 2X We rounded up Sazzy sharpening his knife, when Bobby sees him coming he'll run for all his life, that's when we get Cuzzi a track star in his youth, he's never been arrested so there's your fucking proof. Catching Bobby ain't no problem we'll throw him in the car we'll take the duct tape to him in the basement of the bar. Bobby will get all nervous when he see the bleach, when he sees the cutlery well within our reach. (Chorus) Now Judas had his silver, Benedict Arnold had his gold Bobby didn't do jail time his deal from what I'm told. Karma wields a hammer the justice bell has rung, Bobby better learn sign language cause we're cutting out his tongue. (Chorus)
Her Father 02:48
HER FATHER She's in the bathroom, I'm drunk and we're going to kill her father. Ain't about the money, it ain't funny, it's about a little girl. All the years of watching CSI, gonna cover up my tracks. Can't let my hatred, lust for revenge, over step my plans. Love is a sunset, love is a storm, up to our chests in snow, I'll keep you warm. Love is a reptile, a wolf or a bear, love is a pirate ship, gonna take us anywhere. I had my fortune told when I was young, she said I'd slay an evil man. In the motel here, there's a bible, and God has helped me with my plans. Love is a church where all the sins are cleansed, angel on the jury don't care where you been. Love is wild sex when the wardens eyes are turned, love is a soft embrace when the books have all been burned. She wants to hold the gun, she wants to feel it roar, she wants to see his eyes and know. I need another drink, we'll drive through Popeyes, then she'll want to go.
Velcro 04:12
VELCRO I'm the right guy, the night guy, my charisma I might ply, if you're tight you could try to buy my hospitality. I'll pour white rye, martini dry, under the counter what a pill head buys, my congregation the bar flies, they heed as I philosophize. So it's 3am I'm shutting down, guy stutters in from out of town, I tell him I'm closed it don't seem to matter, he takes a stool he starts with the chatter. Mumbling about his married life, years ago he had a wife, somebody was cheating escapes me who, but he had this daughter he never knew. She gets in touch, when she's 21, asking for help could he get a gun? He's caught off guard and most surprised, gets sentimental with the tears in his eyes. He's older now, in a better place, says they should meet face to face, then no sound the phone goes dead, trying to collect the thoughts in his head. Got her number on his phone, leaves a message at the tone, traces the call, later that day finds himself on a plane to L.A. Well turns out she's missing asks around, strip clubs downtown, directed to a pimp that's no good, mean dashed dreams of Hollywood. Didn't know his daughter lying there, like her mama, bleached blond hair, od'ed, her face pale blue, nothing he could do, did not have a clue. Vengeance burned in his mind, no forgiveness was resigned. His worst nightmares had all come true, went after her pimp, nothing to lose. Needless to say I put down my mop, he had my attention, didn't want him to stop. Pour him a drink, myself a double, I'm Velcro it seems for tales of trouble. Well the pimp was elusive surrounded by guards, to get a clean shot it was going to be hard. Kept them in sight, pimp had a carfull, but my customer in his trunk, he had an arsenal. They pulled up to a light, side by side, says roll down the window of your Escalade. The window goes down, no more glass, he lobs a grenade, steps on the gas. My man thought revenge is sweet, portions of pimp painted the street. Well he's thinking about burial arrangements, his daughter's apartment was vacant, he lays on her bed, closes his eyes and under the pillow to his surprise a safety box tag attached to a key, he'll go in the morning check it and see. He cases the joint no one around, opens the box what he found, 200 thousand in unmarked bills, 10 kilos and a whole lot of pills. She'd ripped off that pimp, no surprise, but she got found out and met her demise. That's why he be sitting here, my bar's got a reputation, crystal clear. Stash in the trunk, wanted to know, could I use the pills and move the blow? We negotiate, come up with a price, 100 G's which I think is nice. I went to the safe to get the cash he went to his car to get the stash. Wasn't no trouble easy as that, I checked the goods in nothing flat. Everynight is potentially great I guess, I closed up and went home to rest. Assumed he'd retire, 300G's! He's guilty about his parenting and needed his peace. I wouldn't have predicted I'm just a lowly bar owner but I heard that a drug rehab was given 300 thousand by an anonymous donor. (Recorded Nov 20th, 2017 in Jeff Onore's closet Boston Mass)
Closing Time 03:58
CLOSING TIME Toast to the most fun I've had with my pants on in years a million beers, waves of whiskey ending all our fears. You can raise a glass, you can kiss my ass it's closing time I feel fine. Shout all about, keep on screaming til you let the demons out, it's a crazy world, makes you want to go and kiss 5 girls. You can raise a jug give this drunk a hug it's closing time, I feel fine. The cops came in, I tried to warn her, dress over her head, fucking in the corner. Ass for cash on a Friday night, Officer Leweeny was itching for a fight. He got all red when he took in the sight, that's when Bobby said it's time to kill the lights. Got all dark, shots were fired, Leweeny gets weird when he gets overtired. The lights came on, it was quiet as a church, I think it was Bobby that spoke up first. He said "Officer Leweeny you're more pissed than you oughta!" Officer Leweeny said, "That's my fucking daughter!" Hey! Skittle lee dee, skittle lee dum, bottle of beer bottle of rum. The bartender said, "I'm out of seltzer." Bobby said "No problem, I'll go and get some." He had no cash when he went to the store, he put on a mask took out a 44. The cashier said "I gotta fucking ask. Is that fucking Bobby behind the fucking mask?" Bobby was so high from the booze and the blow, said to the cashier, "How'd you fucking know?" The cashier said "Bobby you really shouldn't bother. Here's your fucking seltzer, I'm your fucking father!" Hey! Skittle lee dee skittle lee dum bottle of beer bottle of rum. Skittle lee little lee little lee die oh my heavens I'm so high. It was the greatest night, it was the best of times, 300 beers, 600 crimes. Bobby woke up from this devilish night, he had a girl to his left he had a girl to his right. Cum on the sheets, cum in their hair, cum on the ceiling, cum everywhere. Bobby couldn't remember who was who, he noticed on his penis though he had a new tattoo. He was quiet as snow as he crept from the bed, one of the girls woke up, said gimme coffee gimme head. Bobby said "I'm tired, I'm going to the bar." The other gal woke up and said "Bobby you better not go far." They got all red as they pulled back the covers. Said " I'm your fucking sister and this is your fucking mother!!!" Skittle lee dee skittle lee dum bottle if beer bottle of rum. Well now grieve when I leave, don't you think I got plans waiting up my sleeve? You best believe, I can drink more than you can conceive. An ocean full of beer, we'll drink our way clear it's closing time, I feel fine. We should steal a car why walk from the bar it's closing time I feel fine. Do not call the cops, but I ain't gonnau stop it's closing time I feel fine. I fell on my face, let's go to your place it's closing time I feel fine. Life should offer more, let's rob a liquor store, it's closing time I feel fine. Skittle lee dee skittle lee dum bottle of beer bottle of rum. Skittle lee little lee little lee die oh my heavens I'm so high.


Ed Hamell aka Hamell on Trial is releasing a special one-off album on Saustex Records early this fall titled 'The Night Guy at The Apocalypse Profiles of a Rushing Midnight' - and it's now available for immediate delivery.
The album, recorded entirely on his cell phone at locations as far-fetched as the bathroom of The Keflavik International Airport in Iceland and in his car in a parking lot in Detroit, is a rambling 13 song tale full of sex, violence, substance-abuse and revenge that is centered around a fictional tavern called The Apocalypse. Not for the faint of heart this album would probably carry at least two parental advisory warnings on the cover, if we did that sort of thing. With the permission of the good folks at Ed's label New West Records we're putting out this record on limited edition vinyl and digital only.


released October 1, 2018


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Saustex Records San Antonio, Texas

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